You and Me
by Jo7
Summary: Have you ever loved someone, but you waited just too long to tell her what you're feeling?" Carter comes back from Africa, and he and Abby talk on the roof. Carby


This is just a little fic I wrote ages ago, and never posted...it's set after Carter comes back from Africa the first time, but during the day at the hospital - before the talk over coffee, before they find out about Luka. In fact, none of that happens in my little world. I used a very different style for me, of third person present tense. It's really strange, but I think it's gives the detached effect I wanted...I hope everyone else finds it okay, it's a little weird to read! Enjoy, and please let me know what you think! Jo xx (oh, and the song is 'You & Me' by Alistair Griffin - he so rocks!)

You and Me

_Have you ever loved someone, but you waited just too long to tell them what you're feeling? _

She stands on the roof, watching Chicago go about its daily business. She wishes she could join that blissful, bustling existence. But she is merely left alone on the roof to contemplate her life, his life, how it could have been, how it will be. 

Most of all, she contemplates how she could have changed what happened. Could she have stopped him leaving? Could she have stopped him feeling lost? The answer, she realises, is in three little words. Or rather, the lack of them. 'I love you'. It is so easy now, for her to admit how true those words would have been, had she only said them. But her life is not that simple. Admitting love had made her scared. Relying entirely on one person had terrified her. 

So she did not say those words because she didn't want to be devastated if he left. And yet now, standing on this roof, she knows that if she had said the words they would have prevented this feeling of heartache that she is now experiencing. 

_Gotta find a way somehow, coz all we have is here and now, this can't wait until tomorrow_

"Hey," his voice interrupts her thoughts as he walks onto the roof, joining her. "What are you doing up here?" 

"Thinking," she answers abruptly, not turning to look at him. 

"We need to talk." 

"Not now." 

"Yes, now. I want my best friend back." His voice is urgent, begging her to just talk to him. 

Slowly she turns around, watching him carefully. "Okay. Talk." 

"What were you thinking about?" 

She shrugs. "You were right." 

"About what?" he asks, not understanding how her answer relates to his question. 

"Life, love, relationships. There's an inherent unpredictability about everything." She sighs. "It's all butterflies and tornadoes." 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to happen like this." 

She continues, ignoring his words, if she even heard them in the first place. "A butterfly flaps its wings in Africa, and creates a tornado of emotions in someone's heart halfway around the world in Chicago." Once again she sighs. "And I've definitely received the full effects of the tornado. It's ripped up everything it tears through, and left destruction behind it." 

"Please, can I explain?" he pleads. 

"You wanted me to talk, so let me talk." He merely nods his head. "Last year I didn't understand butterflies and tornadoes. I didn't understand how something so perfect could cause something so terrorising. But I understand now. I understand that something, or someone, you love with all your heart can cause more destruction than anything. It comes from where you least expected." 

_It's you and me tonight with these feelings we can't fight, just two people lost but maybe found together _

There's silence now. After the out-pouring of her heart neither of them know what to say. She looks at the floor awkwardly, wishing he isn't there anymore. He watches her curiously, wanting to understand more. 

"I'm sorry," she mumbles eventually. "I shouldn't have said that." 

"What? That I'm someone you love?" He watches her reaction carefully. 

"I didn't say that!" she defends. She can't admit it, not now. Those words lead to hurt, and pain. She mustn't say them. 

"That's what you meant though, isn't it?" 

"You can't infer that." 

"Okay, you had your chance to talk. Now let me talk, alright?" She nods, still not looking up at him. "I didn't want to leave you. I honestly didn't. But I was so lost, I didn't understand what was happening with my life. Or what was happening with you, or us. Something changed in our relationship. I guess we didn't talk enough. And things got in the way. And we ended up angry and upset. All I wanted was to be where things were simple. Where I didn't have to hide my feelings from you, when I thought you didn't care anymore." 

"I never said I didn't care," she protests, finally looking up at him, trying to convey that she truly means this. 

"That's the point. You never said you didn't care, but you never said you did care. And I know I'm just as guilty. We're both guilty. I shouldn't have left you how I did. I needed to find out what my life was really all about." 

"What did you find?" 

"Well, where am I now?" 

"Standing on a roof," she mutters, rolling her eyes. Maybe somehow she does understand what he means, but she doesn't want to understand it. She doesn't want to open herself up to emotional attack. 

"Standing on a roof with you." 

"You left me," she tells him, raising her voice. 

"And I came back," he returns, shouting back at her. 

"What if I don't want you back?" They're shouting now. Arguing. 

"You love me." 

"You don't know that!" 

"I love you!" he shouts. 

_On this night that holds us both within, set me free, oh let me live again _

She turns back around to face Chicago. Happily going about its business. Why can't it be that simple? Why did he have to say that? All her efforts to protect herself from emotions that could hurt her. And he says it, just like that. 

"Did you hear me?" She doesn't want to answer. It's a stupid question, anyway. How could she not hear? He yelled it. Like when he yelled he wanted to marry her. She remembers what a mess that got them into, and wishes this conversation never happened. 

"You yelled it at me, of course I heard." He joins her at the wall, looking across the city. 

"Looks kind of busy down there." 

"I wouldn't mind joining them. The hustle and bustle of life down there must be so simple." 

"Is that what you look for?" he asks her. "Simplicity?" 

"Sometimes it's easier than looking for the answers. Because sometimes the answers are more painful than the questions." She looks at him poignantly. 

"And sometimes the answers are much easier than you realise." 

"I don't think so. Nothing in my life's simple." 

"You honestly believe that?" She nods. "Will you ask me a question?" 

"What?" 

"Ask me if I love you." 

"Why?" 

"Just do it, please?" She rolls her eyes, before doing as he asks. 

"Do you love me?" 

"Yes." He pauses, watching her. "I don't know about you, but I think the answer was easier than the question." She shrugs. "Now let me ask you a question." 

"Okay..." she replies hesitantly, feeling slightly uneasy. 

"Do you love me?" She takes a sharp breath, not wanting to answer. Surely this just proves her point, she realises, that the answers are more complicated. "I know you think it's complicated," he says, as if reading her mind. "But it's just yes or no. And I know you know the answer. It's simple." 

"Yes." 

_And if we make it through and tomorrow find the truth you know I would fall, I would risk it all, just for you _


End file.
